july 27, 2003 - there's another coup attempt from the junior officers of the military. this time, i want them to win the game. unfortunately at the end of the day, they “lay down their arms” and went back to their stations :( wierd? ndi naman. nagkataon lang na naniniwala ako sa mga pinaglalaban nila. tapos sa bandang huli parang wala ring nangyari.

~~~

i just love MARK NELSON. he seems to be a very sweet, sensitive and kindhearted man. in addition to these he is so so sexy :) and he also got a nice name combination. Nelson (actually nielson) is the name of my crush in grade 6 (oh, if you would have noticed, i didn't even bother to conceal his name that's because i don't think he knows this site exists or better yet if i exist. so why bother, di ba?) and mark is the name of my boyfriend, whom by the way i love so much.

sana lang i could get a picture of him, the one posted in every bench store. he looks so guwapo there :)

~~~

last saturday (july 26, 2003) i'm watching "sana maulit muli" staring lea salonga as a filipino immigrant in america and aga mulach, here in the philippines, as her fiancé who's also a family bread winner.

the film is divided into 3 parts.

part 1 established lea & aga's relationship with each other; lea's relationship with aga's family & vise versa; aqa with his parents; and their view towards staying here in the philippines and migrating to america (the so called promise land for the filipino people).

part 2 started when lea left for the states. here problem starts. she started missing aga. unfortunately aga's too busy working his butt out for their upcoming wedding & therefore neglecting lea. whenever lea called aga, he was either working or with his boss. please don't get the wrong impression that he doesn't love her anymore, what happened was that there's so much miscommunication between them because of the distance (see that's why i'm not in favor of long-distance relationships!).

in part 3, after a year & a half, it was clear that lea's already adjusted in the US, was in fact successful over aga. then one day aga called her. he's also in the states sent by his boss. they met, went out for dinner, had fun and rekindled the old flame all over again. but there was a twist of fate. lea now is an independent woman very unlike the one aga knew in the philippines. there aga observed & accepted the new lea while swallowing his pride & principles just to be with her. it went like that for a while.then one day he realized & he knew that he had to go back to the place where he belongs. and i just got so touched by his lines to lea when he announced his decision.

"hindi ko kayang magmahal ng di buo ang pagkatao ko. Nawawalan na ako ng respeto sa sarili ko. at ayokong dumating ang araw na mawalan ka na rin ng respeto sa akin."

and with this, she had to let go.

epilogue: in the end, the film illustrated aga as a successful officer in his company and as he went out of the building, he saw lea waiting for him. they hugged and held hands while walking side by side with the crowd :)

WALANG HANGGANG PAALAM
joey ayala

`di ba tayo'y narito
upang maging malaya
at upang palayain ang iba
ako'y walang hinihiling
tila ika'y ganoon din
sadya'y bigyang laya
ang isa't isa.

koro:
ang pag-ibig natin ay
walang hanggang paalam
at habang magkalayo
papalapit pa rin ang puso
kahit na magkahiwalay
tayo ay magkasama
sa magkabilang dulo
ng mundo.

ang bawat simula ay
siya ring katapusan
may patutunguhan ba
ang ating pagsinta
sa biglang tingin ay
tila walang kinabukasan
subalit `di malupig ang pag-asa

(ulitin ang koro ng dalawang beses)

I have trouble going home from class every Thursday night. It's not a problem of transportation, as i could easily get a ride by just patiently waiting for a PUJ by the lightened waiting shed just beside gate 3. It is the distance between our classroom (ICSI 211) and the main road leading to the gate.

I just couldn't figure out why every Thursday night, just after our EC 215 class, it seems that I’m the only one who's walking there. I don't usually go for ghost stories, but every time I take that road, i feel that there are a number of eyes watching me & mind you, it's not a very comforting feeling. Parang someone’s staring at me (kinda scary). The sad thing is that, the only person whom i can talk to in the class doesn't even offer me a ride in his car even only up to the gate. Hay... Pag ako nagka-kotse, I’ll be more considerate & sensitive for those who are in need. :)


written last Wednesday :) July 23, 2003

I went to Los Baños yesterday for an interview. I plan to transfer to any company who will hire me and give me good compensation for the skills and knowledge that I will impart to them (naks! as if :) preferably an NGO and of course, located in Los Baños.

After more than a year and a half here in UA&P, I opened myself up again to the idea of transferring to another job. Only a few months ago, I would constantly convince my two other officemates to stay and consider the benefits that they would get when they stay working in this university. I myself decided then that it is best to stay here until I finished my graduate studies in Ateneo. It is because the availability of resources that I can use while I’m still studying is almost endless (yeah, almost...).

That is until the fateful afternoon of June 25 when 2 laptops and 1 LCD got stolen right under our noses. Since then i had to live in paranoia.

Sad noh? I love this place. i love the CR here (because there is a constant supply of tissue paper inside each cubicle), i have my very own computer (with internet connection 24 hours a day), a good environment with nice people around and many more. But I guess when the desire and the drive to work is no longer within you, then it is time to let go of things and look for another (and greener) pasture to graze.

A Good News for the Filipino People

amazing! i would have never thought i'd still be alive to see this event. unfortunately economists believed that this would not have a long-term effect on the economic situation of the Philippines due to present situation and the outstanding debt (which stood at about $56 billion at the end of march) of our country. Well at least we will get what is rightfully ours from the very start. cheers!

on The Asian Wall Street Journal front page:

Money Stashed by Marcos to Go to Philippines
by James Hookway and Cris Larano

MANILA--Seventeen years after the Philippines began hunting for a multibillion-dollar fortune allegedly salted away by the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos, the country’s Supreme Court awarded to the government the only substantial loot Manila ever found: several hundred million dollars frozen in a Swiss bank account.

for you arlene...

"Scarred People Are Beautiful"
Rev. Charles Cooke

Man speaks:

I've seen a number of movies lately, Lord
like Romeo and Juliet.
The love of young people, at least in those movies,
is beautiful...
so simple... so total... so uncomplicated.
They seem so natural,
so free in their emotions, so clear in their feelings.
I wish I could be like that, Lord, but it can't be.
Why is it so?

I've been hurt, Lord.
I have trusted and been betrayed at times.
I have loved and received nothing in return.
I have tried hard to care and failed often.
I have shared my secrets and, heard them
whispered to others.
I have been warm and received a cold shoulder.

I have been through it, Lord.
I've fallen on my face.
I've banged my shins.
I've been bruised.
Look, Lord, I'm all covered with scars!

The Lord Speaks:

Maybe you haven't understood enough;
Maybe you haven't learned that human life is like that:
All saints are scarred.

Young love isn't the highest form of human love.
The greatest love comes from scarred people.
I know that many people stop loving so they
won't be hurt again.

But those people who do start over again,
who continue in spite of all,
who leave themselves open
to the possibility of being hurt again --

These people are able to love again in a deeper way,
a more understanding way,
a richer way.

Man's response:

I think I know what you mean, Lord.
I've met people like that...
and knowing them gives me courage.
The great people are those who continue
to love with their scars.
I like SCARRED PEOPLE, LORD --
THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Live life to the fullest, you say!. At your heart you are a hedonist with a great imagination and verve for life. Be careful of using this enthusiasm as an excuse to ignore the unpleasant. Your selective focus could cause blindness.


Which monkey are you?
Another pointless diversion from Bijouriel

"...of life and music"

i love music and singing.

mind you, i do not have a good voice. i even blame my mom for not forcing me to have a voice lessons when i young. but i love it :) even if doesn’t love me back.

i love singing while working…
i have a number of cds in the office, mostly given by mark, and since i’m lucky enough to have a speaker attached to my computer, i have the pleasure of hearing and singing my favorite songs whenever i please particularly if my boss isn’t around.

while washing the dishes…
i once read a book written by a man who observed that woman (even little girls like me) consider washing the dishes/clothes as a “sacred time” for themselves to reflect about things. i can relate… especially if it is accompanied by music.

while studying…
do you know anyone/someone who can study and concentrate and memorize his/her lessons while there’s music (or any noise for that matter) in the background? no, don’t look at me cause i am not that someone. but since for me pleasure comes more from listening and mumbling the lyrics of the songs, it overthrows the desire to study.

while inside the church (eucharistic celebration)
i consider a mass without a choir as an incomplete mass. it’s like music sooths the soul and lightens up the spirit. i even heard that singing is like praying twice so i gladly sing my heart out to the lord! :)

and while walking…
oh, i must admit this one’s kinda crazy. but walking for me (and mark, i think), like washing the dishes/clothes is a beautiful time to think things over or even converse with god. sometimes when i’m so immersed in my thoughts, i even voice them out loud! and since at times it involves songs, siyempre i also sing :)

haha! weird noh? Oh well… i hope those who will read this will not have a second thought about me loosing my marbles :) cause i don’t, it’s just my way of muddling through the complications of life.

"Weekend Magic"

my papa gave me a hug last sunday. and boy, it felt so good! so I hugged him back :)

siguro nabigla lang yun hehe! :D oh well, wala na siyang nagawa but to hug me back.

"The Accused"

Date: June 25, 2003

People in the office that day:
1. VA – Program Director with car
2. ME – Program Assistant been here for more than a year and half, regular
3. CEH –Marketing Assistant less than a week, contractual
4. MM –Marketing Assistant less than three weeks, contactual
5. CA – Personal Marketing Assistant of VA
6. MHP – Personal Researcher of VA with car
7. Lito – Personal Driver of VA

Lost Items:
1 laptop owned by VA (ACER)
1 laptop owned by MHP (HP)
1 LCD projector owned by the program (INFOCUS)

* Estimated amount of the lost items: Php 250,000.00

Who had the keys?
VA entrusted me with a duplicate key to his office last year at around October or November (not sure). The guard also has a key to his office, which they lend to the Janitors every morning to clean his room.

MGH and I have the key to the white cabinet located outside the room of VA where we usually placed the old laptop of the program, the LCD projector and the lapel. I am in charge of that cabinet.

***

I arrived in the office at around 8:20 in the morning, while CEH arrived at around 8:40 am followed by MM at 8:50. MHP arrived first before CA.

At 10:30 am, CEH and I left for CFA to punch the handbooks for the incoming students. We returned to the office at around 12:30 pm. I saw CA using the laptop of VA and MHP using hers. I asked them (MHP, CA and MM) if they already had lunch, they told me: “not yet” and so I asked them to pack things up – like keeping all the laptops in their proper place, arranging all the papers and etc.

Earlier I pulled out the LCD from the said cabinet because VA had a presentation later that afternoon and he was supposed to bring that with him. I placed the LCD inside the room of VA along with the Lapel just in front of his desk.

Since CA was in charge of VA’s laptop, she asked me for the key of his room while MHP asked for the key of the white cabinet. I gave them the keys. MHP placed her laptop inside the cabinet beside the old laptop of the program. After placing the laptop inside the room, CA gave me the key of VA’s room, which I quickly placed inside my drawer along with my palm pilot and cell phone. I locked all of them inside and brought the key with me. I let MHP keep the key of the white cabinet since her laptop was inside. All of us left the room at the same time. I was the first one who went out of the door followed by CEH, MM and CA – (seconds interval). The last one to leave the room was MHP. We left the room at around 12:40 to 12:45 pm and went to the roof deck to eat our lunch. MHP, MM and CEH quickly sat down because they already had food while CA and I brought our food from the counter (“Abot-tingin” lang from our companion’s table).

After less than 30 mins (probably 20 mins later) we went back to the room. MM and CEH, after putting down their lunch bags, went to the restroom. Only three of us (MHP, CA and Me) were left in the room. As I was about to do my work, I noticed a pile of envelopes and papers on the conference room round table – you see I cleaned the area a day before and warned those were using it not to leave any mess or whatsoever on the top of the glass table. I quickly asked CA about it since she was the one working on that area earlier and when we looked at it, we saw that those were VA’s things. At the same time, MHP was opening the cabinet and saw that her laptop was missing. CA gave the assumption that maybe VA got both laptops (because the three of them are working on a book when the laptops were lost). We checked the room of VA and I, without thinking opened his door and to my surprise we did not need any key to open it, it was not locked. CA and I entered his room. CA went behind his desk to check his bag because she was assuming that VA left already. She saw that his bag was not there. I quickly dialed the cell number of VA but MHP was the one who talked to him. According to what I’ve heard from MHP during their conversation: at first, VA had the laptop with him, I assumed the line was not clear because when MHP asked him again, he told her that the laptop was with CA. After putting down the receiver, I called the guard to report the incident. After a few minutes VA arrived with the guards, instructing them to check all the possible exits here in the university.

Nothing was broken or damaged; my palm, cell phone and the key of VA’s office were still inside my locked drawer. Nothing has been misplaced. That’s why MHP and the police think that maybe there was connivance between the people inside the program and the thief.

I am not sure about the chronology of events after that but I went upstairs to the 6th floor to tell MGH about the incident but since she was not there yet, I asked the receptionist if she was able to have a glimpse of our missing laptops or if she saw any suspicious looking people from our room carrying a big bag. On my second attempt to inform MGH, I met EG (an office mate whom I only met a few weeks ago – I do not even know her last name. All I know is that her real name is toot-toot) at the door of the school of management. She was going out carrying a laptop and an inforcus LCD projector just like mine. By impulse, I told her “uy! Baka amin yan a!” or something to that effect. She just smiled and told me that the laptop and the LCD were from MScM and not ours. Unknown to me that the roving guard, named EF was following me. He reported this incident to the police. EG was also questioned and will undergo the lie detection test with us.

Reflections for Your Journey
explorefaith.org

The Words of My Mouth...
Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch at the door of my lips. --Psalm 41:3

It is a response of passion. Speaking, that is. Words always follow the passion that pulses in the heart. We feel first and then we speak. When we feel deep love and tenderness in our heart, our words are gentle--brushed with the soft wool of a young lamb. When we are frustrated, hurt, or angry, our words are hard; they cut and rend without restraint. They chafe with the harshness of steel wool. We unleash words of anger and hearts are destroyed. We unleash words of tenderness and hearts are healed. But it all begins with the passion of the heart.

Pray that God will guard your lips so you speak only the words that bind and heal. When your words are like rich fragrant oil that soothes the world around you, you will find your own heart more peaceful and still.

Make me mute before others, Lord, until my words can flow from a heart of peace. Then let my words be the balm that soothes a troubled world.

--from Signposts: Thoughts for Meditation by Renée Miller