well? :)

The Good Guys
Source: The Manila Times

By: Mark J. Macapagal

I've received a lot of e-mails where people mention that I do not think in the manner typical for most men. They comment that I'm sensitive to people's feelings, observant, communicative, determined, caring, etc. While it's true I do believe I possess these qualities to some degree, what I find odd is that I find quite a number of women say that it's rare. That I'm supposed to be some sort of oddball male, totally unlike the cads and jerks that they've been dating all their lives. Thing is, I'm pretty sure I'm not rare at all. I just think that people have this tendency to look in the wrong places.

A group of women that I worked with at my old computer company were having lunch one day and I sat down with them, just in time to catch the middle of a tirade against my gender. My co-workers went on and on about how men just wanted "one thing," never treated them right, and that there were no good husbands to be had anymore. No one who would be faithful, loving and a good provider, basically, was what I caught from their conversation.

Eventually, they naturally focused on me, the male at the table, and were waiting for my input so that they could refute it and continue moaning about the decline of eligible bachelors. I finished my sandwich and then said, "No, there are plenty of good guys. Like Doug, for instance..."

"Doug?" one woman questioned. "That quiet, bookish fellow in database? He's so boring." At this point, I interjected, "Yeah, he might be, I don't know. But the thing is, you're all wailing about finding good men and you're looking for them in bars, parties, discos, wherever. Hasn't it occurred to you that any of the guys you meet in these settings are probably not the marrying kind?"

The table was quiet so I continued, "You see, if you want the stable, faithful, consistent men, you have to look at the accountants, the bookkeepers, these men. I think it stands to reason that it's the men who lead quiet, comfortable lives are the ones who would make the best partners. Since you're looking for good conversation, I would think the guys who spend their time reading books instead of drinking beer and playing cards would be the better bet. Family values your thing? Then I suppose the guy who's active in his parish would be the ticket for that."

"But that's kind of boring, I don't want that," another woman said. "Well, that is right," I answered. "But there you go again. If you're attracted to the power broker who drives a Porsche and picks up women every night, what makes you think that this man will be sensitive and caring to your needs? You like the guy who takes you to all the hot spots in town? Haven't you thought that for him to know all the hot spots, he's probably been going to all of them already with women other than yourselves?"

"See, the exciting guys, the 'bad boys'?" I said. "Yeah, make no mistake, they are a hell of a lot more fun than going out with the geeks. But you are running the high risk of falling for someone that's not going to treat you as well as you'd like. So you go for the 'bad boys' and you keep this silly little notion in your head that they're going to change because of you when really, they're not going to. And when your relationship comes to its inevitable, bloody end, you call the guy was a jerk and a cheat but, if you think about it, he was already that when you met him. So what's the big surprise then?"

The table was pretty silent after that. I guess they were expecting me to be easy pickings, or to simply concede to their girl power affirmation session. In the end, I think they did realize the truth in what I said. Later, one would tell me that her past relationships were littered with musicians, artists, racecar mechanics, etc, and not one "smart pick" in the bunch, was how she put it.

I suppose I'm just saying that if you keep to a lemon grove, you're going to keep picking lemons. That if all the men in your circle are of a certain type (that you don't like), then it's time to expand your circles. Because I think you'll see, there's a lot out there once you make it out of your comfort zone and start looking at those you might never have looked at before.